My Poetry

Sometimes there are words that need to be said but they can't be told to the person they are meant for.

I wore the necklace

Like a badge of honor.

Because you picked it, special just for me.

You liked that it was blue.

Said it reminded you of my eyes that you loved so much.

But you picked it because it made you think of me

You told me I was like stained glass

Everything it has to go through

But still comes out tougher and more beautiful than before

And suddenly,

Stained glass jewelry was my favorite kind to wear.

I hate that I still wait.

Wait for the drunk texts.

Wait for you to miss me.

Wait for you to turn around

and say you were wrong.

That it should be me

I hate that I still wait, for you.

I have always been a why person.

Knowing that you could never give me the why

Will kill me for the rest of my life.

When I told you I could never hate you,

I meant it when I said it.

I never thought I could hate someone

I am still so in love with.

I hope in another life,

I will have the chance to love you again.

And maybe in that lifetime,

It will finally be right.

It will be time, for us

To stay together at last.

Because I know that I have loved you

Through each past life

And I will love you for every lifetime to come

I was truly made to love you

I protected you from the rain

Like you were my own personal ray of sun

But what I failed to do

Was protect myself

From the storm you brought with you

I have never felt pain in my chest like this

So maybe, I never really was in love

Before you..

To the girl I love

I am sorry,

For every hurt you have felt

And every tear I did not catch

I have missed you long before I ever met you

This indescribable feeling of waiting

Like there was something that was missing

That wasn’t clicking with anyone else

Don’t get me wrong, everyone else was nice

But when I met you

And saw you for the first time

It felt like fate whispered into my ear

It’s her.

This is the person you’ve been waiting for,

And suddenly it felt like I could take

My first deep breath in life

Because now I know, the person my heart was made to love

The person I knew would change my life forever.

Now you might not be with me anymore

And your path may never cross mine again

But if it just so happens I bump into you at a coffee shop

Even though I don’t drink coffee

And you don’t just pop into coffee shops

I hope that I will get the chance to smile at you

And it will be like nothing has changed

We will pick up where we left off

So my soul can breathe again

I’m not mad that

you said you weren’t ready

I’m mad that you told me you weren’t ready

When the real reason was

you just didn’t want me

And you let me be strung along

As you continued to lie

Just so you could feel comfortable

In the love I was giving you

I gave everything back today

In a fit of anger and pain.

I have never regretted anything more.

But now it’s too late,

And I have to live the rest of my life

Knowing I ruined any chance for you to come back to me.

I know it's selfish,

But I hope the things that used to remind you of me

Still do.

It’s a strange feeling

one week to hear you say

How much you love me,

And how losing me is like a hole being punched through your chest.

And the next, you’re with her

Giving her everything I always begged for

Seeing you with her was hard

and not just because you were with someone new.

You have been the most beautiful person I've ever seen

since the day I met you.

But when I saw, you looked terrible.

And I don't mean that in a bitter way

you looked so worn out.

It made me scared that the person you chose

isn't helping you like they should.

Can't she see? Are you suffering?

I know I have to accept that you chose her,

and I shouldn't care anymore.

I do though, and it broke my heart.

I have spent my whole life protecting others.

Now I protect the little girl that no one else did.

I'm healing her so that I will be the happiest I can.

She deserves someone to choose her.

Seeing you check my socials is very bitter sweet.

On one hand, I know that you had to want to look.

But is it because you're curious?

Did you look it up with her to make fun of me?

Do you miss me?

Another father's day I spend without you.

I watch everyone else post about the father they have,

the father that continues to choose them.

Do you wonder what it would have been like, if I was the one you chose?

If I was the child you fought to keep in your life?

I wonder sometimes

And then I remember,

one day I will have a child of my very own and they will never have to guess how much I love them.

Because I will show up everyday and make sure they know.

I choose them and I always will.

As the parent they deserve.

Having all this built up resentment towards you

Is getting exhausting

I might not check your socials anymore,

But I still wonder everyday if you’re thinking about me too.

But I know checking again would kill me.

So I guess I will just have to be okay with wondering

Oh right, I had almost forgotten what this feels like.

Looks like I'm starting to get bad again.

Well, being happy was nice while it lasted

Last year I watched the fireworks with you.

I should have memorized how the light refelcted off of your face instead of watching the show.

I would have if I knew it's be the last time.

This year I watch them again

Except I am alone, and you are worlds away

Funny how things turn out.

Do you kiss her under the glittering fireworks like you did with me?

Do you tell her how she is the most exquisite thin you've ever seen, despite being surrounded by a beautiful show?

Does she believe you, Like I did?

How naïve of her. How naïve of me..

When we first ended,

I slept on the couch with the tv on for months because I couldn’t deal with falling asleep in bed alone.

Eventually I became okay and I could sleep alone again in my own bed.

This last week I couldn’t bring myself to go to bed at night, and when I would finally pass out from exhaustion

It was on the couch, with the tv on.

Will I ever really be okay again?

I punish myself by not going to sleep at night.

As if it could stop tomorrow from coming.

The idea of going through another day without is terrible,

But knowing this feeling will never go away is worse.

Some days I’m angry at you

Some days I want you to come running back to me

Other day days I pray to forget you completely and I scream fuck you out my windows

Everyday I miss you.