Being alone again

Normally one would associate being alone as being without a significant other and while that is true right now, I'm talking about being alone with friends again. I lived most of my life struggling to make and keep friends. I can make acquaintances easily, people like me. But for some reason when it comes to making true friends and even more, keeping them around, it doesn't seem to work out for me.

I never realized how lonely I was until this past year I did start gaining friends and experiencing life with them. But recently I realized this and it made me sad. How I had lived my whole life as a bystander watching it pass me by. I have still lost friends (in friendship, not by death) and it is still a shitty feeling.

I'm determined though to still enjoy life! Yes it might be sad when I have to experience some things alone, but that's okay. I can't give up hope that eventually I will have someone or people in my life that I can depend on and experience life with! I want to learn to fall in love with life and myself while I'm living that life.

It's scary and overwhelming, especially for someone with anxiety, to do this stuff alone. But sometimes its also the most rewarding feeling.