Over it

I'm really over constantly struggling. With money, friends, relationships, mental health, adulting. There are so man fun things I want to do in life now, but then money gets in the way. I've finally started making friends, but now I'm more excited to do stuff on my own. I have no idea if I actually want a relationship or if I just miss the benefits of having one.

It constantly feels like I'm at war with the things I want, which is so weird for me. Before it was so easy and clear with the things I wanted. Was it because my wants were basic in life? Since I didn't care much about living wither way. This is so confusing, is it like this for everyone?! Even with therapy, I feel like I don't need weekly sessions anymore, but I'm terrified of not doing that. What if they are only helping because they are weekly?

Although I'm grateful that I have this new love of life, I'm terrified because I have no idea how to handle it. What if it all gets taken away again? I don't think I would be able to handle that. I have never cared much what happened to me or much about enjoying life, because realistically I didn't want it. But now I do!! Unfortunately I don't really have the skills or means probably because I didn't really set myself up for it. Since I never cared about it before I didn't have many regrets, but now I'm running into the problem of wishing I had done things differently.

If anyone has any tips for dealing with this I would really appreciate it!