Healing my inner child

For anyone that has dealt with trauma, especially childhood trauma, you know how hard it is to try and heal from that. Especially when you let it sit and fester for years without trying to deal with it. I am currently in therapy (yay but also it is very new to me) and we are working on why I am trying to heal my inner child.

I've always been pretty self aware, but its nice being able to realize things I may have missed or ignored because I thought they weren't important enough to reflect on. I am now realizing how alone and unprotected I felt as a child. I guess technically I always felt that way, but now I've realized that I can protect her. Maybe not in that moment, but I will protect her now. I will protect her from people and situations that aren't okay for her. She deserves to be chosen and if that means I pick her up in my own arms and walk her through life, then I will.

This may sound strange to some people, and that's okay. She is important to me, and I will show her that. This is obviously all the be able to transition that to the me I know today. But it starts with her.

I recently started doing an exercise I came up with when I'm feeling really depressed or just being cruel to myself, I imagine doing that to her. I picture little five year old me standing there and then I have to explain to her why I don't care enough to wash her hair or brush her teeth. How I have to tell her I think she's worthless, because that's what I'm telling current me. And boy does that shit hurt! I can't speak for everyone, but the idea of having to tell this little girl that you don't care enough about them and they aren't worth it is absolutely soul crushing. It has helped a lot with teaching me self worth and just being kinder overall to myself.

I still have a long way to go, but I recently found a song that really has been helping with this transition period of healing my inner child. Its called Pining by Doctor Duck. Trigger warning because it does talk about suicide, but its a very emotional and powerful song.

Spotify